Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
___________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the
night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked
her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 9
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 10
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
laserlight
06-04-2003, 10:25 AM
What happened to Stress Reliever # 8 ?
dalecosp
06-04-2003, 10:41 AM
Originally posted by laserlight
What happened to Stress Reliever # 8 ? Didn't meet PHP SR (Stress Reliever) standards, editors removed it...
:eek:
:D :D :D
jimson
06-04-2003, 10:44 AM
i eat it... :)
dartcol
06-04-2003, 10:44 AM
Walls...crawling up...
Stress relief? Pass the Jamesons, please.
jimson
06-04-2003, 10:45 AM
actually,
laserlight, i just notice it when u tell me...
i just cut and paste it from one of my email... am i lazy... ok
next time, i retype them... :)
TheNookie
06-04-2003, 10:50 AM
#1 is quite funny :D lol! Didnt even notice #8 wasnt there... :\ but great post :p
dartcol
06-04-2003, 10:54 AM
$10 please - or 1200 yen whichever you prefer, please.
[LOL]. Oops.
FraXTC
06-04-2003, 06:19 PM
OMFGROFLMAOPMPFFS :D:D:D
dar-k
06-04-2003, 06:41 PM
Where's mah cash...
dalecosp
06-05-2003, 12:09 AM
Terrible and anti-femme. I certainly don't endorse or even really like it. You can see why it was omitted.... :D :D :D
Q> How do you know when your wife has died?
A> The sex stays the same but the dishes start piling up....
jimson
06-05-2003, 01:17 AM
well, i cannot pay ur peeps directly... no pay pal in Malaysia.
but... anyone who "don't laugh or can't laugh" can make suggesstions. :)
if u people come to Malaysia, somewhere in Johor, then call me 607-5212117, i will give u peeps a treat, how about Malaysia famous "chicken satay"... ? or "redang ayam" ? or same "sambal udang"... ? all these are nice dishes... :)
if u peeps want to golf, please bring your night clubs.. you can golf at the Pulai Spring resort (forget already how many holes), 7 minutes from my house.
so... when u peeps want to come ?
first person to come, i guess is laserlight... she in Singapore...
3 hours from her place to mine... :) laserlight... i hope u are the don't laugh not can't laugh... person :)
about the Stress Reliever #8, i already contacting the author.. waiting for his reply...
but i guess maybe the author is so stress that eventually forgot to write something for #8... :)
but certainly not the one dalecosp wrote... not funny at all...
dalecosp.. u owe me $10... :)... ke ke ke...
TheNookie
06-05-2003, 04:25 AM
Originally posted by dalecosp
A> The sex stays the same [/B]
Yeah for about 2 days :rolleyes:
dalecosp
06-05-2003, 12:56 PM
Originally posted by jimson
well, i cannot pay ur peeps directly... no pay pal in Malaysia.
but... anyone who "don't laugh or can't laugh" can make suggesstions. :)
about the Stress Reliever #8, i already contacting the author.. waiting for his reply...
but i guess maybe the author is so stress that eventually forgot to write something for #8... :)
but certainly not the one dalecosp wrote... not funny at all...
dalecosp.. u owe me $10... :)... ke ke ke... Well, maybe funny, maybe not. I didn't necessarily say it was---there's a certain foul humor in it, to be sure, but it's probably a little inappropriate, although I know some divorced fellas who'd say it didn't go nearly far enough. As to owing you ten bucks, OK. But, I can't pay you directly---they don't have PayPal in Malaysia, so...
when you come over to Missouri, maybe I'll buy you a funnel cake :)
jimson
06-05-2003, 05:41 PM
i want chocolate flavour ...
can u book one for me first... :)
i don't think Malaysia got funnel cake...
but what is the difference between funnel cake and general cake?
dalecosp
06-05-2003, 05:57 PM
Hmm, chocolate.
Maybe a new marketing idea..... :)
If you're really curious regarding funnel cakes, head to Google (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=funnel+cake) or perhaps www.funnelcake.com.
Basically, you mix a cake batter and dump it through a funnel into hot oil. When light brown, flip it and brown the other side. Serve topped with fruit, powdered sugar, and maybe even, chocolate!
Typical American good-time cholesterol laden fattening comfort food.
And, no, I dunno if it's originally from over here or not. Prolly some European on this site will take exception if I claim credit for the USA.... :)
jimson
06-05-2003, 06:17 PM
i do STFW before posting my previous thread...
FraXTC
06-06-2003, 10:35 AM
A funnel cake is very..Uuhhmm.. Funnel?:o
PyroX
06-06-2003, 03:58 PM
You owe me $10!
jimson
06-06-2003, 04:36 PM
welll...
proyx, u can make suggesstion, how i gonna pay u...
PyroX
06-06-2003, 04:40 PM
Pay me in a favor, go now and help 10 newbs figure out how to STFB, or STFW, or RTFM, before posting.
$1 a post! Thats a good rate right!?
j/k
jimson
06-06-2003, 04:44 PM
i gonna post > 10... so u owe me... :)
dalecosp
06-06-2003, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by PyroX
Pay me in a favor, go now and help 10 newbs figure out how to STFB, or STFW, or RTFM, before posting.
$1 a post! Thats a good rate right!?
j/k Yup. Send mine to https://secure.payme.daleco.biz/1243bucks.html
:D :D
jimson
06-06-2003, 05:58 PM
Cannot find server
The page cannot be displayed
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Click the Back button to try another link.
Cannot find server or DNS Error
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dalecosp
06-06-2003, 06:07 PM
Get a new DNS server for default location.... ??
May take a while to propagate to Malaysia...but it should be there before PayPal ;)
:D
jimson
06-06-2003, 06:12 PM
you may need to adjust your browser settings.
maybe i got to turn it off in order to pay u... :)
PyroX
06-06-2003, 06:13 PM
failed for me too
jimson
06-06-2003, 06:15 PM
pyrox wish to pay u on my behalf.... i am glad... :)
dalecosp
06-06-2003, 06:29 PM
Originally posted by jimson
pyrox wish to pay u on my behalf.... i am glad... :) pyrox pay by proxy? Quite a mouthful of anagram...
I'm assuming DNS hasn't yet propagated to much of anywhere beyond here at present. Although I'm using an ISP 30 miles from the servers, piggybacked on AT&T, and the host site is sitting over a Sprint net, I think....
OTOH, it could be because the fee is now more then 1243bucks...
While we're on the subject, I assume everyone's seen the joke DNS/whois entries eons ago? Most of them are expired now, but there's still some fun to be had. For example, here's google.com:#whois google.com
Whois Server Version 1.3
Domain names in the .com and .net domains can now be registered
with many different competing registrars. Go to http://www.internic.net
for detailed information.
To single out one record, look it up with "xxx", where xxx is one of the
of the records displayed above. If the records are the same, look them up
with "=xxx" to receive a full display for each record.
jimson
06-06-2003, 06:34 PM
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Loud noises (WAV files) and does not get deleted. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
coditoergosum
06-06-2003, 08:19 PM
Mmmmm, funnel cake.
jimson
06-06-2003, 11:22 PM
i want funnel cake... ... ...
dalecosp
06-07-2003, 12:40 AM
Originally posted by coditoergosum
Mmmmm, funnel cake. Funny, as many twists as this thread is taking, that could almost be considered "getting the thread back on topic..."
They are good, aren't they?
jimson
06-07-2003, 01:23 AM
for u, for me, others
and those who are jelous... :)
dartcol
06-07-2003, 02:15 AM
Why is a monkey like a bomb?
Ba-BOON!
Arf! Arf! Go on, admit it, you did chortle, didn't you?
jimson
06-07-2003, 08:28 AM
ba-boom
monkey killed... :(
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