Quotable quotes, humorous quips, pithy sayings

[davidjam]

Hi,

I am designing a calendar for my place of work. They are huge oversized calendars with a work of art by local artist. Anyways, on each of the twelve months I am going to have a saying, but I can't think of any except, Aristotle: A small error in the beginning is a big one in the end. :bemused: (Actually I think drawmak would appreciate that one)

But I need to be saved from a couple of the office gals here. They are going to "brainstorm" and I just know that the sayings are going to be really really tacky, I mean middle-class attempting to be profound. But there must be other stuff out there! So, I thought that the PHP community here at PHPB are quite a multifarious bunch.... so...

Any quotes would be great. :)

[drawmack]

Aristotle: A small error in the beginning is a big one in the end

You're right I do like that, acctually I use it to justify the time concerned with engineering a solution instead of just programming one.

Zeal is invaluable, if a right one; but if wrong, the greater the zeal, the greater the danger.

Plato

[drawmack]

If you want humorous then:

History will reflect us kindly, because I will write it. -- Chruchill

[Elizabeth]

Here's my favorite, and I use it when clients don't understand why complex projects take some time to complete, even when extra resources are used.

"Nine women can not make a baby in one month"

of course, if you ask any woman, 40 weeks of pregnancy is most decidedly NOT 9 months.

[dalecosp]

http://www.worldofquotes.com/

If you're not careful, the "office girls" may beat you to it ...

I'm sure lots of them are delightfully tacky, but it you pick by author, there's plenty of wonderful intellectual personages represented ...

[Weedpacket]

A trawl through fortune(6)'s datasets might net something.

But I have to admit I've probably got thousands of epigrams, quips &c. piled up here. Most without attribution, many inappropriate, quite a few just plain weird, and not to mention fortune -o

Do you have any particular bent in mind?

God is odd. He loves the odd.
--Muslim saying

There is an old formula for beauty in nature and art: Unity and variety.
--John Dewey

Relatives are simply two ways of talking with each passing week.
--RACTER

The strength of a civilisation lies not in its ability to fight wars, but in its ability to prevent them.
--Gene Roddenberry


Oh, what the hey. Here's one page. Share and Enjoy:

[goldbug]

"no art, however minor, demands less than total dedication if you want to excel
in it." - Alberti

"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance--it is the illusion of
knowledge." - Daniel J. Boorstin

[davidjam]

:eek: Wow, what a lot to choose from! Thanks everyone. I knew I came to the "write" place.

Elizabeth. Do you have a source for your quote?

Weedpacket. What a lot of great quotes! thank you.

Here are some of my favorites:

Man shall not join what God has torn asunder.
Wolfgang Pauli

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
Tennessee Williams

Man is sawing the branch he sits on.
Anonymous Remueran grafitti
(actually I dreamt about that the other day, but I caught the branch as it fell...)

A four year old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four year old child. I can't make head nor tail of it.
Groucho Marx
(I love the marx bros!)

Shuzan (AD926-992) once held up his bamboo stick to an assembly of his disciples and declared: "Call this a stick and you assert. Call it not a stick and you negate. Now, do not assert or negate, and what would you call it? Speak! Speak!" One of his disciples came out of the ranks, took the stick away from the master and breaking it in two, exclaimed, "What is this?"
Daisetz Teitaro Suzuki, An Introduction to Zen Buddhism
(A little too long but quite interesting)

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.
attributed to Hector-Louis Berlioz

I'm not young enough to know everything.
J. M. Barrie

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Susan Ertz

In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said: 'Let there be light' and there was still nothing, but now you could see it.
Terry Pratchett

(I love this one)

Dale: you were right, they did find another mega-quote site. Actually, I misjudged. Some of their quotes were actually ok. I have so little confidence in anybody 'round these cowboy parts. (Hey dale what happened to your cool av?)

Oh and thanks drawmak. I like your quotes too!

[dalecosp]

Originally posted by davidjam
(Hey dale what happened to your cool av?) I guess, as it says, someone stole it?

Actually, I was going to get "back to my roots" and put up the guy in the jeep again, but I couldn't find it in a small enough size (apparently it was one too many hard disks ago). I played with my animated-GIF chimp, but couldn't get it down to size easily enough to suit me at the time, so I just threw up (pun intended) this one again, which I used for a few days back in '03, IIRC ...

:D

[davidjam]

The tackiest ones I got from the "gals that be": "The deepest feeling always show itself in silence" and "Words are plentiful, but deeds are precious". How precious indeed!

Well, what can I say. Actually, dale when I first came on this board I assumed you looked like that stone-age guy, then you became a pirate. How exciting! A real space-time adventurer!

[dalecosp]

Stone age guy? Hmm, that was a hillbilly. In Missouri, USA, that's only one or two generations removed for most people. Shoot, some of 'em *still* look pretty much like that.

Kind of a "redneck without the pickup truck (lorry?)"

Anyway, I liked it a bit, too; if I can dig it up in the proper size I may stick it back there someday. . .but not this week, 2 busy....

[Doug G]

A sign hanging on my computer hutch:

"Never try to teach a pig how to sing. It will waste your time, and it annoys the pig" --Anonymous

In the same vein, this is often attributed to Mark Twain (paraphrased):

Don't argue with a fool, or an observer may not be able to tell you apart.

I doubt these will be appropriate for your calendar, though :)

[bubblenut]

There's only one man I need for consistently brilliant quotes.
A few of Oscar's thoughts (http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Oscar_Wilde/)

[Weedpacket]

An obligation is like a muscle. If you contract it, it gets bigger and harder.
--John Brunner
Someone help me out here - what was the book?

[davidjam]

Thanks again guys and gals.

Here are my favorites from Oscar Wilde:

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
(I don't think that will go over too well here...)

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
(Quite a profound principle I have found. Seems tragically relevent with the upcoming US elections...)

Thanks bubblenut. Are you really a taoist?

Here's a quote from weedpackets collection you might appreciate:

Three philosophers came together to taste vinegar, the Chinese symbol for the spirit of life. First, Confucius drank of it. "It is sour," he said. Next, Buddha drank. He pronounced the vinegar bitter. Then Lao-tzu tasted it. He exclaimed, "It is fresh!"
Traditional Chinese tale, repeated by Niels Bohr

That Lao-tzu, what a nut! ;)

[bubblenut]

hehe, no, I read Tao Te Ching and got rather taken with it. I was buying The Analects of Confucius and the book Tao Te Ching was a multi-buy discount, so I got it. After reading both I thought that Confucius was a popus old twat and Lao Tze was pretty damned cool.

"The more laws that are written, the more criminals are produced." Lao Tze

[davidjam]

My wife and I started "divining" our future through the I Ching a few months ago, and our life went all to hell, so we returned it to the library. Now I just light a candle every day for a couple favorite saints. Working so far...

"One day at a time"
-- Alcoholics Anonymous

(I think the I Ching is good if it is a spiritual path, but not good for fortune telling)

[weekender]

Lady says to winston churchill:

"Sir, if you were my husband, i'd poison your drink!"

Churchill:

"Lady, if you were my wife, i'd drink it!"


Also, from monty python's "Life of Brian":

"He's not the messiah - his names' brian, and he's been a very naughty boy!"

Maybe not appropriate, but good!

[Merve]

my sig

[davidjam]

Last night, my wife and I watched a documentary on Paul Cezzane (french artist). My wife is an artist so she enjoyed it.

"All my compatriates are assholes compared to me" -- Paul Cezzane

('scuse my french)